Friday, April 6, 2012

should have ran

ran far away


she told me to run





Sunday, September 25, 2011

Really wish I had more time

To read everyones updates.
Really, I do, I took an odd solace in reading them, gave me a moment of peace for some reason.
Granted mixed with other emotions, still...

Anyway, I thought I'd update, been a few days and really I haven't had the mind let alone any urge to post anything, too much going on in my head. It's hard just trying to sort through it all, but then it all still seems so jumbled.
Where to go next? What am I doing?


Blares randomly, everytime it tunes to a country station, doesn't even matter if I have a cassette in or not.
Doesn't matter if I change it to a different station. Before I wrote it off because that was the only station in town but now.

Fuck even in the van? In my own fucking stereo?

I can't sleep, don't wanna eat. The paranoia alone is giving me more nightmares than usual.
OH, not getting started on those.

We where able to get a good sum of money saved up, moving to a new town soon, maybe I won't stop for a looong time, I just can't handle being stalked and scouted out for HIM.


Started to think this was stupid, and just let it go. Go back to being, the obedient little, quiet mouse I am. But then I find a random flyer on a light post.

Guess what it said.

"nO where to run NO where to GO, got 2, three left tX gX"

three left to go?

Fuck this fuck this fuck this

What the hell do I do
Gah, I'm going to start driving, I have alot to think about...

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

I really hate this town.

It's boring as fuck, it's cold as fuck, it's windy as fuck and no body want's to fuck.

Last one there was a joke, anyway.
Still here. I got a bit scared when Hart didn't come back right away. Okay so she was gone fore an hour. Turns out she was talking to a friend of her's at the store.

Not really friend I guess. She knows A LOT of people, so she stops to talk to be courteous I guess. Well she stood there for 20 minutes listening to the lady talk about her kids, something about her being pregnant again after already having one. And on her way back she thought she was being followed, kept seeing something move in the corner of her eye.

Now, what she didn't tell me is apparently this town is pretty rough most nights, lots of muggings and getting jumped around the bars. Well she thought it was one of Faceless little friends (as she put it) and smashed her six pack in his face, then crawled on top of him and continued.


All in all, turned out it was just a mugger. So what does she do? Does what she does best, kicked him in the face and mugged him! :D
Really, you should have seen her in high school, I mean she was calm and all, really laid back and she gave little reason for anyone to really pick on her, but if one person tried, and took it too far... she was fucking nuts.

Well the guy had like, a 10$ bill on him so we got some gas and putted off as far as we could to the next town. As we didn't have enough gas to get there in the first place, and the rest of our 15$ went to smokes and booze (Which she save like.. 3 of from breaking on his face) we had to get out and push our way to the next town. Which was hard and we gave up after an hour and went to sleep.

Well I did she woke up screaming after 20 minutes then stayed up being paranoid and staring out the window. Morning broke and we where able to flag down someone who could tow us into town. That took a long time, and in itself was a long shot, guess we've just had luck the passed two days. Now we sit outside a WAL-MART with a McDonalds that has free wifi. Only problem now is money.

We where going to camp out in the last town, because she said someone there in town would have given her a job to stock shelves everynight that we where there, but when she knocked out buddy she just got... weird again so we had to go on.

Not fun, but we're going hunting for can's tomorrow, livin like bums. Ughh.

EDIT: By the way, been reading over that Gallow tree guy and a few others Hart here has become some kind of... anyway. You guys are messed... no wonder she's been having nightmares. :\
Not saying all of you, just the one's like him.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Captains log, Star date: lol i watch startrek

Mind you, that title could be bad for what I'm writing about. But then again knowing Hart she'll... not care right now.

Pickles, I'm back.
Don't know how, but I am.
Went missing for awhile, a big reason for that actually. That fucking...

What you guys call it, Slender business?
Slenderman, whatever it is, if I never see that thing again it'll be too soon.

After Hart went on her little coma vacation, I was looking into some stuff she had sent me and other things. She had been getting e-mails and things had been popping up that was sending her off the deep end. Again. I was reading some of your blogs and the one's she followed, even checked out some things on YouTube. And guess what?

Thought it was all bullshit.
Though this was Hart's way of putting some bullshit reality into her mind to help her cope with what ever goes on in the brain of the crazy bitch. And you want to guess what else?

Turns out that bullshit, was real shit!

You guys know what it's like to wake up with some 10ft faceless fucker staring you down like Greeks on shitty salad? (Sorry I just hate salad...)

I found out!


How you all deal with this is beyond me really. I tried to hit it with the bat next to my bed, next thing I know I'm in my mom's kitchen so I thought I was having a drunk dream or something.

 Well the next thing I see after running down my bedroom hall is that fucker again. So I ran outside and locked myself in my car like a little bitch. I don't like this kind of excitement. I don't like excitement at all. Woke up up to my girlfriend knocking on the window, she had just gotten back from work and said she saw someone in the house who wasn't mom. So I said fuck everything, and ran into the house. No one was there but I still packed up and got the hell out after I left mom a message.

And I really fucked clean off. We went to my Uncles cabin in the next province, waaaaaay out in the wilderness and set up camp.

A week later I saw how stupid THAT was, as the fucker showed up there too, only this time we didn't really have anywhere to run. He showed up every night and being in the middle of buttfuck nowhere, so we live it out. Then from what I can gather, the night Hart's mom died was the night my girlfriend vanished, and I went into a Hart like coma.

Then I wake up outside a graveyard, getting pulling into a police station under suspicion of murder. Murder of two people I don't think I could ever have a bad feeling towards, two people I considered my own family...

Well, Hart isn't the only one upset about that. I don't think the shock really wore off until I was in the hospital. The nurse thought I was having a breakdown, fuck it felt like it. So she upped my meds and put me to sleep. It was the only sleep I've had since this all started, that was calm. That felt like I had actually slept. And as for what happened in the police cell. This happened at early in the morning, SUPER EARLY, I was asleep, but I felt something grab onto my throat and my first reaction was to scream, and I did. Holy fuck did I. Then I was hoisted into the air and soon after Scotty ran in and pulled me down.

Now I'm sitting in Harts van, typing on her cousins stolen computer while leeching wifi from a McDonalds while Hart runs off to get beer and smokes.

Life is so Grand.

I don't know if Hart will be on at all for awhile. She's... she's alot of things right now and I don't have ant words to discribe it. I've never seen her this bad before. She's having her nightmares again, but way worse. She's been staying awake as much as possible from what she's been telling me and it's drained her. 

No clue what to do from here, we're still trying to get a game plan set up. At least she's talking to me again.

 Capitan out.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

A long time

Been awhile.

Sorry about that. Sorry about missing so much, seems like alot has gone on while I left. Still trying to catch up on it all, and I thought I should post while I have the time, strength and ability too.

Where do I start? Normally talking to someone face to face you ask 'em what do you want to HEAR first...
So I'll start where I can, with the note left with my friend. WELL. That was an experience in itself. The town that he lives in, is a 2 hour ride down a LONG and BROKEN road. And mountain roads. OH THE FUCKING MOUNTAIN ROADS. His town is built up on the side of a mountains with big steep hills and fuck is it hard to drive through, or GET UP. I now see why no one drives cars around there, they never know if they can get the car to the top of the hill.

Enough about roads and my hate for them right now.

I get to his house, he isn't HOME.


I wait, and wait, and wait, and fall asleep in my car, and wake up to my radio blasting corny terrible country, and my friend standing in front of the van. I turn off the music and get out asking him what was up, conversation starter, I don't really know. He was just standing there like a fucking zombie in front of my car, I was just trying to get a response I guess. But nothing, he just stood there. When I actually tapped his arm did he snap too and realised I was standing next to him. So I guess he was sleep walking. Creepy stare though...

So I asked him about the note, how he got my number as we hadn't been talking before this. (We stopped talking when I moved, as I did with most people) He then passed it over and the envelope it came in. As I thought, covered in that great black marker and O's with X's smeared over it like a God damn slap in the fucking face. A nice personal message was scribbled in. I know the writing... Who writes it. I mean, I dont really KNOW who it is, I just know of.. who.. it...

How do I explain these stupid complicated things.. fuck

"cOme and try my little mOuse and see hOw well yOu dX"

All the O's had X's but the lest O is an X. I really don't know what it means. If it's some kind of code, then it's got me thrown for a loop.

The envelope had my number and "itsforher' scribbled on it.
Lovely. So I had a smoke and a beer, then drove off into the night, back home. Which took longer since I would not drive faster than the speed limit over those roads. Last thing I needed was to hit a bear going 100 and then fly off a mountain. I got back to town and then parked in the hospital parking lot because they had a vending machine outside and because I can get baked like an apple pie and not care. That hospital was once the safest place on earth to me, the only place I ever felt fully at ease.

I don't even have that any more, but I'll get to that in a minute. I didn't sleep much, I don't think I even could have if I tried. The second I was back in town I had this feeling of unease, and a headache. I spent my time talking to people around town. If anything was weird, changed, if mom was doing anything out of the ordinary, and the only thing that was weird was she stopped going out. Mom was a very social person, who knew everyone in town and even three towns over. She goes out to drink every night. But that stopped abruptly and she didn't tell anyone why. I tried talking to the police but that failed and they just pushed me aside as they had "things to do."

It seems that the police force has been like to to everybody. Apparently a cop had committed suicide in the station and ever since then the cops have been drilling up everybody's ass about the stupid things. I was mostly in and out of a really weird state of mind for a few days, and things that I didn't make a point of remembering got blurred out. I went back to the place I saw HIM, but nothing was out there. I even went to mom's house. Everything had been cleaned and cleared out, I knew the landlord pretty well so he let me walk over the place...

It was hard.

But I didn't see anything, but there was something the cleaners missed I guess. I'm glad they did. It was one of dad's rings he gave to mom...

Continued to wrack my brain over that note more, and managed to fall asleep, but guess what? Woke up, to corny country music and my phone going off the hook. I need to change that station.. My friend was on the other end, I could barely make out what he was saying from him muffling it and breathing heavily, but I heard a dog freaking the fuck out so my first guess was something was going down. I turn on the van and speed down the road and out of town. In the middle of the night.

I don't know how, but I survived that, and then the van broke down before it even got to the hill, so I jump out and book it. I've never run so fast before, and I'd never been so scared for someone I hardly remember either. But once it came into view I could feel the fear slip away and turn into a gut wrenching pain. My guess is the dog on the phone, was now laying on the sidewalk, and most of it's head was gone, like, smashed in. It was gross, very gross. I looked up and the kitchen light was on, where...

He shot himself. In the head.


I started to run to the house but then I saw HIM in the corner of my eye so I turned to look at him, and looked as stepped away from the house and the rage just built up inside me. But the instant I went to explode my anger on the fuck was the instant all feelings just..poof


felt good, for that one instant. that one. instant.

But I pushed back, and then ran the other way, back to the van and started pushing trying to get it to start, once it came back to life I drove out of town. And my, HATE of mountain roads got worse, because out of no where, HE came out and I was sure I was dead. I went off the road.

And I woke up.

A half hour out of town, parked, perfectly fine except for the things I could remember. I slowly drove myself back to town, got a pack of smokes, then got a call from the police station, saying they found something. I lug myself over there and.. guess what.

Pickles. In lock up under suspicion of murder. For WHO?
MY OWN MOTHER, and possibly my brother. Why? Someone found him down my the old docks near the graveyard, wearing my brothers shirt covered in my mothers blood. Mind you only I knew that shirt was my brothers. I bought it for him for christmas. But still. I just...
It was sickening just to hear those words come out of someone's mouth. To say he was the one who killed my mother. There are lots of reasons. But I knew what bull shit that was, and I spent most of my time the next few day's going over and pestering them about it, trying to convince someone that he wasn't who they thought he was. Then another old friend finally came to talk to me. Scotty. Now, Scotty was close to my mother, and he knew Pickles too, because of mom. Scotty found it just as weird, and assured me he was going to try his best.

It was funny because I wondered why I never saw him until then, then later found out he was on leave for his mother being in the hospital. So then Friday rolls around, and I go in to pester them more, I find Scotty right away and the look on his face sort of threw me for a loop. He looked disturbed. Very disturbed. I asked him what was wrong and he said that Pickles was in the hospital, when I asked why he brought me outside and told me what happened. It was like, 2:30 in the morning or so, when he started screaming bloody murder from the cell, when Scotty went to see what was wrong, he found Pickles hung up by a sheet. No clue where it came from, because there wasn't one in there at the time. They pulled him down and found a strange burn around his neck, and rushed him off to the hospital.

He said he never seen something like that, and now thinks the station is haunted.

That actually made my day...

I went to the hospital, and tried to see him with no prevail, and saturday Scotty called to tell me that they couldn't find any conclusive evidence, and most of them are just passing him off as crazy. Really, there are alot more reasons, but I don't want to get into it, as it hurts to think this much, and I'm sure most of you have stopped reading this INSANELY long post.

They dropped the charges. And before you ask, Yes I was going to tell the cops what happened to my friend, but it had been reported before I had the chance, and the police from another area had left to take care of it. I want to send my regards but...


anyway, sunday morning Pickles was released from the hospital, and I when I went to pick him up.. I don't know what happened. I blame it on the constant sleep deprivation, and everything that was going on, but the second I walked through the doors I felt sick. I was light headed and gasping for air. At one point the nurse that was showing me to his room asked me if I was okay, I said yes. But everything was muffled, and I felt like fainting. I grabbed the skinny fuck and dragged him out of the place, into the van and drove the fuck out of town, and the feeling didn't stop untill I was out of town.

I can't even think about the town know without having chills...

So. We are now parked in a McDonalds parking lot, stealing Wifi and He is sleeping.

I don't know what to do now, trying to figure out how to get money for gas right now, as I have none of that. fuck..

just fuck

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


Not much time to update, so just bare details here.

Still pissed, still ready to go on a bloody rampage, but I have been more... calmer than usual, which is scary but nice. I got in contact with someone, an old friend of mine. Turns out someone left him a message for me. With him I don't know WHY but whatever.

Message read "Come and try little mouse, you'll only get beat down anyway"

Covered in all those nice little O with X's and a slender scribble. I'm going now to get it off him.

Buried mom... first time I've seen that many members of my family in one place. They all still whisper and give me weird looks so no changed there.

I cleaned my cousins apartment, left her all the money (Save 100$) out of my bank account and one of dads rings on the table as payment.
Because I took her laptop.

Once I get this note I'll head back to moms, I have to go in there and take a look see what was left behind, because I know there is. I also got a very strange call at 3:56 this morning from Pickle's. I mean he wasn't on the other end, just a ton of static and what sounded like running water, so I don't know what to make of that other than he's...

Yeah, well. I have to go, pouring rain and open window in the van isn't helping this.

I'll be back soon.

I hope your all doing okay, best wishes and stay safe friends.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Walking through a TRAITOR

I have spent all day in the woods trying to find any clues for Luc, my brother.

I would check in town, but there's no where that the cops or that the family hasn't already checked and to be truthful, I saw that coming. I walked outside this morning and looked at the forest that cover the mountains of the town and knew where I had to go.

Because that's where HE took him, isn't it? yousickfuck

I was out there for hours wandering aimlessly through the trees, going down paths, off paths even climbed up on of the biggest cliffs in town. I even went into an old bear cave. Gatta say I was lost there for a bit, until I hit the river that led to the old shack was out in the woods.

The shack, THAT place, you remember that place DON'T YOU?
ofcourseyoudo the end.. of my life was there, where it was taken.. from ME, by YOU.

Luc wasn't there... and I thought I, had looked in vain. That I was stupid to even try.

Until I turned around. And there YOU where. Staring at me, waiting, MOCKING ME.

I don't know why, I.. had this plan, if I saw HIM, even if he was 20ft away from me
i was going to jump him and beat the living evil from his stupid blank face until HE KILLED ME
but I couldn't
couldn't move

ijuststoodthere staring back, all my rage built up inside, boiling and breaking
I started to cry and scream, I started to throw everything I could pick up hoping something would cause him this same pain, but nothing, just hit him like nothing had ever...

Anyway. I heard something move behind me, I turned to see what it was and ended up with a fist in the jaw. Luckily I've been in too many fights for that to be a good knock out. I got a few hits in the the fucker myself before I was thrown to the ground like a ragdoll and beat on


I always go down with a fight, HE knows that... HE loves that.

I woke up, in my van with a splitting headache, a black eye and a nice swollen lip so all in all no damage done. But, Lucs headphones, and it iPod where in the seat next to me...

Please, just put him backplease

I know, you have someone read this, I know you have someone following me because you can't let go of your toys. But I said you could. I told you, a long time ago, I will be a toy, I will be a little playground that you can fuck with whenever you please. And you have, you do.

You havn't left me alone in YEARS, but I said they are to be left alone. The innocent and the oblivious in my family where to be untouched. You already took my father and my older brother.
I told you enough
I said enough, if you wanted them you had to KILL ME FIRST SO WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? WHY WOULD YOU LET ME KEEP GOING


please, just let him go...

he has no part in this. And if I have to bury someone else next to my father I swear...

The playground will close, this mouse will stop hiding and SHE WILL NOT MAKE THIS FUN FOR YOU OR ANY OF YOUR SICK LITTLE TWISTED FUCKS. I'll be bringing my shitstorm to you and boy oh boy will it be a storm.

Now, go get that brainless fuck of an errand boy to get off that lazy ass of his, get to work and get this shit done.
I'm waiting