nonononono

ittouchedmeittouchedmeittouchedmeittouchedme
GODGODGODGOD

COULDTHEREBE A TIME

Birthdays have passed, I am no longer inebriated, and life can go on.

I hope.

Tapping, that fucking TAPPING.

I thought once I moved I wouldn't hear it, or deal with these feelings anymore.

The feeling of something watching you from the windows, behind the trees. The lights have been flickering a lot lately too. Even mother has noticed it, and she's a tad uneasy about it. But I'm sure thats because this house has been falling apart since I was a child, and coming back here and seeing that the only thing that has changed is that it has fallen apart even MORE didn't surprise me.

What surprised me was it's still up.

Enough about my slowly decaying house though.

I'm still getting these paranoid feelings. They had stopped when I was on the plane, and when I finally got here, but not a day later I start feeling like something is peering over my shoulder and that familiar shadow that has followed me since I was a child...

Does anyone believe in ghosts?

Or should I say..phantom shadows?

I do, I have too.

I can there and tell myself all I want, and BELIEVE it all I want but I still see the shadow, that long, dangling shadow peering at me from the corners. It never stopped, it will never stop it seems.

But I wish it did.

I'm tired of going insane with paranoia over stupid shadows and childhood terrors. It's getting to be annoying, unwelcome and I just want to make it stop.

I wonder how I can.

Like a ceremony? A ritual?

A book with ancient tellings of long ago, when they would banish evil shadows to the underworld where they had pulled themselves from.

That could be entertaining.

I just hope I can get some sleep tonight, my throat is raw, and my eyes are burning again.

My music is going on blast so I can't hear the tapping, if I can't hear it, and I die in my sleep at least I won't see it when it happens.

ivebeentellingmyselfthatforyears

++~HART

TASTES.GOOD

HAPPYBIRTHDAYTOME

HAPPYBIRTHDAYTOME

HAPPYBIRTHDAYTOME

Not to bad of a day I must say. I mean really we normally celebrate my birthday TODAY, on new years, but today was great. I woke up and my computer had to tell me it was my birthday because I thought it was just a THURSDAY♥

Then I get a phone call from mother while she's at work, her and a fellow co-worker screamed happy birthday so the whole cafe could hear and then said she'd pick me up a present when she got home.

Two packs of smokes, some 'smokeables' and rum.

Which I have cracked into, and it is nicely dented ♥♥♥♥

Got socks too, which is sweet. I love socks.

Don't know why..

Just do.

Got 60$ from my uncle that I haven't seen in 14 years. Which was creepy but at least I know he's thinking about me.

Still creepy.

speakingofcreepy

There's been constant knocking on the back door the past few days, three days really.

I'll go and stand next to the door and wait, the knocking will stop and I'll wait around, but it'll start up again when I'm sitting down. And then last night while I was on the phone I thought I had saw something move. I first thought it was a car on the street. But that would be impossible because the shadow was over the house below mine because we all live on hills.

✖✖✖

Don't know why.

So I have come to the realizeation that since no one really watches me on this, and I'm using it more as a personal journal.

BTW doithinkweird?

SINCE I am using this more as a personal journal I'm going to record, write whatever I can and post it up here, and send this to people in case I feel like showing it. 

And just in case you have stumbled across here on random, journey with me I guess?

++~HART

COUNTDOWN.COUNTDOWN.COUNTDOWN

There is three day's left until I celebrate a birthday.

mybirthday

I haven't really celebrated my birthday, ever.

Normally me and a few of my closest would sit around while becoming so intoxicated we could barely look at our own feet right.

Wonderful days.

Or I just never celebrated at all, because I was working.

Forgetful days.

So what is planned for me this year? Besides the obligatory family bombarding you with love and birthday wishes, and the cake that's so sugary it makes your teeth want to puke.

Nothing.

Those things will happen, yes I know, because I'm finally back home.

But all besides that I have no clue. There has been talk of taking me to the Nugget.

Ahh the Nugget. I'm sure that will be fun.

Drinking with women the age of my mother, watching as they become absolutely insane drunk and force me to dance with them to music that is very questionable.

VERY

But still, they want to celebrate my birthday, I'd just as well let them do so right? 

At least I'd get drinks. And won't much care about the events of the evening when they happen because I will be drunk.

Mind you I'm sure I'll have a random encounter with the man's son who owns the bar. Because he 'likes' me.

likelikelielike

Oh my, I wonder what will happen.

++~HART

STICKLER

My TV is acting weird.

I'm guessing from the wind we have. It's like a constant typhoon on the go down here. Should I say up? Maybe left, south east?

Disney land.

I like that one better.

God it is still creeping me out, and then of course I'm all by my self again in this old house.

I used to live here when I was small.

The same house, the same street..

The hill I fell down when I was three.

I cried so hard all because I scrapped my knee and arm.

Dad came and got me though.

The TV is now disconnected, and all last night my computer was acting out, and I swore I heard people walking around downstairs..

I need to get more sleep.

Lots more ✖✖✖

++~HART

mouseandweasel GAME

boredboredboredbored

so bored so VERY BORED BORED BORED

I think I should go to bed soon, but I don't think I could pull myself to do it either.

My eyes burn, then those noises.

I am a paranoid case.

a BIG one

I tend to have a security measure I go through when I'm paranoid and having any off feelings.

o1. LOCK ALL DOORS

o2. TURN ON ALL LIGHTS

o3. MAKE SURE I HAVE BACKGROUND NOISE

Well, I need background noise regardless, I almost can't function in the silence if I don't have something making some kind of sound.

butthentheresthetimesicantmakeoutwhatthesoundsare

That's what makes me paranoid.

The nothing out there, looming over as your own regret.

I always thought if you but out enough negative energy, especailly self-loathing there could almost be a manifestation of that regret in a way.

A way that it can hurt you in some way.

forme

taps.

tiktaptiktaptiktiktiktaptaptiktiktik

it's all i hear in the silence

Maybe I should get some sleep

++~HART

SMOKEDHARDCHIP

 

 

AND THEN HE BECAME KING OF ALL.

I have some fuel now.

Tasty, glorious fuel.

But I still can't stop drawing.

At least it's getting entertaining, for me.

I should not have lonely Sunday's anymore.

♥

++~HART