Isnt he pretty?
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Quick Update
And it really is (Surprising right?)
Just thought I'd announce that I opened another blog, just a place for me to put down short stories I've been poking at for the past week to keep me sane while I was awake. And some stories that I've heard over the years from family, friends and strangers.
Story Scraps
On other updates, still haven't slept yet, drank coffee all day...
Pretty sure I may not sleep again tonight... I'll try to nap but I'm doubtful. Still, for once in the past two weeks it's got this quiet, calm not paranoid and overly edgy feeling.
I like that. Been a long while...
Of course last time I felt something was when I really had to pee in the middle of the night before I went into a God damn coma. I must have been heavy on the sleeping pills is my guess, and was just in a dopey daze of sleepy.
Makes sense for why I wouldn't remember.
Just thought I'd announce that I opened another blog, just a place for me to put down short stories I've been poking at for the past week to keep me sane while I was awake. And some stories that I've heard over the years from family, friends and strangers.
Story Scraps
On other updates, still haven't slept yet, drank coffee all day...
Pretty sure I may not sleep again tonight... I'll try to nap but I'm doubtful. Still, for once in the past two weeks it's got this quiet, calm not paranoid and overly edgy feeling.
I like that. Been a long while...
Of course last time I felt something was when I really had to pee in the middle of the night before I went into a God damn coma. I must have been heavy on the sleeping pills is my guess, and was just in a dopey daze of sleepy.
Makes sense for why I wouldn't remember.
WORKWORKTIREDEYES
I feel ready to drop. First day of work was odd, but that could've just been me being overly tired, which I'm sure it was. Everyone was staring at me oddly so I thought maybe I was dressed weird, make up looked bad, hair a mess? No, everything looked normal. Everyone said I looked normal. Two guys that came in for lunch where nice enough, chatting me up on my first day (one was pretty cute) but still seemed... odd. The conversation was... odd.
Not that the topic was odd, we talked about the terrible rain that came out of nowhere, what desserts they wanted and the usual customer/waitress banter.
But the tone of it all just seemed.. odd.
GOD I HATE THIS.
Can't sleep a wink and I get paranoid, I see stuff, I think things are all going loopy and the world is twisting around me.
Or I sleep for a week at a time and have a total blackout moment for the whole thing and can't even remember going to the bathroom or drinking a glass of water. So what do I do? It's not like I can get on a regular sleeping schedule I've been trying, but nothing works. I can't even take a sleeping pill to do it anymore. I take it and lay in bed for 2 hours sit up and then start tripping BALLS for a few hours.
Then the sun is up and I STILL can't sleep. I just sit in my room all night doodling and talking to myself. Even now I can't even take a nap. MUH FUCKING MUH.
So I have an idea.
Anyone know a few good movies to watch? Something on the suspense/triller style with an actual good story or something. Or a comedy. I love a good laugh, anything to get me out of this rut.
Or an idea to draw? I've been pretty dry of a good drawing idea for a long while now. I mean I may not be able to put up the drawing until I get my hands on a scanner, or some kind of camera/webcam (maybe my camera will magicly appear) but if you have a few good idea's let me know.
If you have any good ideas for keeping my entertained and awake or to put me to sleep let me know.
Promise I won't delete the comments this time.
I'm not even going to TOUCH that delete/remove content button because both of them seem to delete everything on me fluffing dammit.
Not that the topic was odd, we talked about the terrible rain that came out of nowhere, what desserts they wanted and the usual customer/waitress banter.
But the tone of it all just seemed.. odd.
GOD I HATE THIS.
Can't sleep a wink and I get paranoid, I see stuff, I think things are all going loopy and the world is twisting around me.
Or I sleep for a week at a time and have a total blackout moment for the whole thing and can't even remember going to the bathroom or drinking a glass of water. So what do I do? It's not like I can get on a regular sleeping schedule I've been trying, but nothing works. I can't even take a sleeping pill to do it anymore. I take it and lay in bed for 2 hours sit up and then start tripping BALLS for a few hours.
Then the sun is up and I STILL can't sleep. I just sit in my room all night doodling and talking to myself. Even now I can't even take a nap. MUH FUCKING MUH.
So I have an idea.
Anyone know a few good movies to watch? Something on the suspense/triller style with an actual good story or something. Or a comedy. I love a good laugh, anything to get me out of this rut.
Or an idea to draw? I've been pretty dry of a good drawing idea for a long while now. I mean I may not be able to put up the drawing until I get my hands on a scanner, or some kind of camera/webcam (maybe my camera will magicly appear) but if you have a few good idea's let me know.
If you have any good ideas for keeping my entertained and awake or to put me to sleep let me know.
Promise I won't delete the comments this time.
I'm not even going to TOUCH that delete/remove content button because both of them seem to delete everything on me fluffing dammit.
FUCK
SORRY, trying to clear my comments inbox and I deleted all the comments in my blog... AGAIN.
PISSED FUCKING PISSED.
Anyway to retrieve it? OR NEVER DO THAT FUCKING AGAIN.
FUCKING FUCK THAT NOISE WONT STOP
STOP BANGING SHIT AROUND UP THERE
Agent Wraith, sorry about that. If you read this I'm doing good.. as good as I can on 10 hours of sleep in 3 or 4 days and agitated beyond belief.. Hope all is well on your end though. Glad to see you still got your blog up :)
Time for a smoke. I am hating all of this right now. TV won't even work, the picture keeps cutting out and glitching up... EVEN THOUGH IT'S FUCKING CABLE. I'd understand if there was bad weather outside, or if I had Satilite but no. It's cable. I can't even get the channels any more, just 3 channels that I have given up on seeing anything of interest on.
... I don't want to go outside..
fucksuckitup
Cancer Time.
PISSED FUCKING PISSED.
Anyway to retrieve it? OR NEVER DO THAT FUCKING AGAIN.
FUCKING FUCK THAT NOISE WONT STOP
STOP BANGING SHIT AROUND UP THERE
Agent Wraith, sorry about that. If you read this I'm doing good.. as good as I can on 10 hours of sleep in 3 or 4 days and agitated beyond belief.. Hope all is well on your end though. Glad to see you still got your blog up :)
Time for a smoke. I am hating all of this right now. TV won't even work, the picture keeps cutting out and glitching up... EVEN THOUGH IT'S FUCKING CABLE. I'd understand if there was bad weather outside, or if I had Satilite but no. It's cable. I can't even get the channels any more, just 3 channels that I have given up on seeing anything of interest on.
... I don't want to go outside..
fucksuckitup
Cancer Time.
4th cup of coffee
And I am wide awake, yet sleepy as fuck. The apartment is overly warm and I can't stop feeling like something is watching me. I can't go outside to smoke without getting scared and running into the living room like a chicken, not to mention that I'm pretty sure there's something walking around upstairs when no one is up there, or at least no one is allowed to be up there, it could be workers since the building is getting some renovations but who would be building a wall at 3:30 in the morning?
Or is it 4? That's what the computer is saying... I can't even keep track of time any more which is a very bad thing. If I stay awake at least I can make it to my first day on the job.
Oh yeah I have a job now, which means I can keep the apartment, I also have internet set up, and the guy didn't notice the free cable I'm getting from my neighbour so I get to keep the free cable too.
Bonus.
Still no sign of her. I call her parents, even tried to call her work. She just stopped showing up apparently. No calls, no nothing just never showed up for work. I couldn't get a hold of her parents so I left a message and I hope someone gets a hold of me. I haven't called my mom, but then again I'm sure she's still not in the mood to talk so...
MAN
it'sfuckinghot
Don't know what else to say... been trying to stay up... don't want to sleep much even though I should I just feel uneasy about it...been drawing alot to occupy the time but I don't have a scanner to upload any of them... and my camera has suddenly disappeared into think air, not that it much matters the fucking thing dies in 10 minutes on a GOOD day. Tried to get a hold of Pickles so he could help me out with that but he's been oddly quiet even for a shut in. I've only heard from him once since last week and that conversation was possibly the shortest we've ever had. Just a "Take some sleep pills and have a drink, talk to you soon I have work."
Click
Gone
Whoo, it's awesome having so many friends to talk to when your all kinds of fucked up huh?
Or is it 4? That's what the computer is saying... I can't even keep track of time any more which is a very bad thing. If I stay awake at least I can make it to my first day on the job.
Oh yeah I have a job now, which means I can keep the apartment, I also have internet set up, and the guy didn't notice the free cable I'm getting from my neighbour so I get to keep the free cable too.
Bonus.
Still no sign of her. I call her parents, even tried to call her work. She just stopped showing up apparently. No calls, no nothing just never showed up for work. I couldn't get a hold of her parents so I left a message and I hope someone gets a hold of me. I haven't called my mom, but then again I'm sure she's still not in the mood to talk so...
MAN
it'sfuckinghot
Don't know what else to say... been trying to stay up... don't want to sleep much even though I should I just feel uneasy about it...been drawing alot to occupy the time but I don't have a scanner to upload any of them... and my camera has suddenly disappeared into think air, not that it much matters the fucking thing dies in 10 minutes on a GOOD day. Tried to get a hold of Pickles so he could help me out with that but he's been oddly quiet even for a shut in. I've only heard from him once since last week and that conversation was possibly the shortest we've ever had. Just a "Take some sleep pills and have a drink, talk to you soon I have work."
Click
Gone
Whoo, it's awesome having so many friends to talk to when your all kinds of fucked up huh?
Sunday, August 7, 2011
That moment
You ever have that feeling. That you'd been sleeping for so long that you wake up and realize half your day was gone?
What about a whole day, or a week?
Or a month?
Or a few?
And you wake up and BAM. Everything was just... odd. You didn't know what to do, you could talk right see right, and you probably couldn't move much. Like waking up from a deep sleep.
I had a sleeping problem. But I never new it was this bad.
Haven't heard from me in a while huh? Thought I must have just fucked off. Ha well..
I tried to, and really things didn't got he way I wanted anyway. Beside's all the aligations that I was on drugs, stalking deer in the night or some other bull shit I had a falling out with my mother.
She so blind sometimes. So childish, she can't even see it when it's right there.
Almost pokeing her in the face...
I left, like I always did, because it keep sme safe and happy and everyone else safe and happy...
Thats what I thought. Like didn't want to be that nice to me. I packed up and went off with my friend. We wanted to go to the city, I thought yeah. I can always get lost in a city. I can always just walk down a street I didn't know and just go away for awhile, and no one could find me, or bother me.
That's.. most of what I remembered. There's a small haze that I can't yet figure out if it's a dream... or real. I can't find her. She won't pick up her phone. Her emails... not even her facebook which I HATE (anyone else get loading problems on that site??) I'm here in the apartment alone. Rent hasn't been paid, for like a whole month, so all of my money is gone now. I had enough change left to barely buy some smokes to last a few days if I pace myself...
If I'm lucky.
So there's like... a month that's gone by with me knowing absolutely nothing. Not even adding on everything else. Also luckly for 24 hour internet cafe's that I can pay for with street change. Still...
What happened.. how could I have slept for so long with out even remembering waking up and even feeding myself, or going to the bathroom, or fucking SMOKING.
All my smokes are gone. The packs are there but all gone. So unless she smoked them all I must have been awake at some point.
All I remember is black. A still, cold, lifeless black void.Not like.. I didn't dream. I remember a feeling. A bad feeling. That rip your gut out and still feel it kinda feeling...
what happened to me?
What about a whole day, or a week?
Or a month?
Or a few?
And you wake up and BAM. Everything was just... odd. You didn't know what to do, you could talk right see right, and you probably couldn't move much. Like waking up from a deep sleep.
I had a sleeping problem. But I never new it was this bad.
Haven't heard from me in a while huh? Thought I must have just fucked off. Ha well..
I tried to, and really things didn't got he way I wanted anyway. Beside's all the aligations that I was on drugs, stalking deer in the night or some other bull shit I had a falling out with my mother.
She so blind sometimes. So childish, she can't even see it when it's right there.
Almost pokeing her in the face...
I left, like I always did, because it keep sme safe and happy and everyone else safe and happy...
Thats what I thought. Like didn't want to be that nice to me. I packed up and went off with my friend. We wanted to go to the city, I thought yeah. I can always get lost in a city. I can always just walk down a street I didn't know and just go away for awhile, and no one could find me, or bother me.
That's.. most of what I remembered. There's a small haze that I can't yet figure out if it's a dream... or real. I can't find her. She won't pick up her phone. Her emails... not even her facebook which I HATE (anyone else get loading problems on that site??) I'm here in the apartment alone. Rent hasn't been paid, for like a whole month, so all of my money is gone now. I had enough change left to barely buy some smokes to last a few days if I pace myself...
If I'm lucky.
So there's like... a month that's gone by with me knowing absolutely nothing. Not even adding on everything else. Also luckly for 24 hour internet cafe's that I can pay for with street change. Still...
What happened.. how could I have slept for so long with out even remembering waking up and even feeding myself, or going to the bathroom, or fucking SMOKING.
All my smokes are gone. The packs are there but all gone. So unless she smoked them all I must have been awake at some point.
All I remember is black. A still, cold, lifeless black void.Not like.. I didn't dream. I remember a feeling. A bad feeling. That rip your gut out and still feel it kinda feeling...
what happened to me?
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
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