Walking through a TRAITOR

I have spent all day in the woods trying to find any clues for Luc, my brother.

I would check in town, but there's no where that the cops or that the family hasn't already checked and to be truthful, I saw that coming. I walked outside this morning and looked at the forest that cover the mountains of the town and knew where I had to go.

Because that's where HE took him, isn't it? yousickfuck

I was out there for hours wandering aimlessly through the trees, going down paths, off paths even climbed up on of the biggest cliffs in town. I even went into an old bear cave. Gatta say I was lost there for a bit, until I hit the river that led to the old shack was out in the woods.

The shack, THAT place, you remember that place DON'T YOU?
ofcourseyoudo the end.. of my life was there, where it was taken.. from ME, by YOU.

But
Luc wasn't there... and I thought I, had looked in vain. That I was stupid to even try.

Until I turned around. And there YOU where. Staring at me, waiting, MOCKING ME.

I don't know why, I.. had this plan, if I saw HIM, even if he was 20ft away from me
i was going to jump him and beat the living evil from his stupid blank face until HE KILLED ME
but I couldn't
couldn't move

ijuststoodthere staring back, all my rage built up inside, boiling and breaking
justthewayyoulikeit
I started to cry and scream, I started to throw everything I could pick up hoping something would cause him this same pain, but nothing, just hit him like nothing had ever...

Anyway. I heard something move behind me, I turned to see what it was and ended up with a fist in the jaw. Luckily I've been in too many fights for that to be a good knock out. I got a few hits in the the fucker myself before I was thrown to the ground like a ragdoll and beat on

likethegoodoldays

I always go down with a fight, HE knows that... HE loves that.

I woke up, in my van with a splitting headache, a black eye and a nice swollen lip so all in all no damage done. But, Lucs headphones, and it iPod where in the seat next to me...

Please, just put him backplease
please

I know, you have someone read this, I know you have someone following me because you can't let go of your toys. But I said you could. I told you, a long time ago, I will be a toy, I will be a little playground that you can fuck with whenever you please. And you have, you do.

You havn't left me alone in YEARS, but I said they are to be left alone. The innocent and the oblivious in my family where to be untouched. You already took my father and my older brother.
I told you enough
I said enough, if you wanted them you had to KILL ME FIRST SO WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? WHY WOULD YOU LET ME KEEP GOING

whywasntienough

please, just let him go...

he has no part in this. And if I have to bury someone else next to my father I swear...

The playground will close, this mouse will stop hiding and SHE WILL NOT MAKE THIS FUN FOR YOU OR ANY OF YOUR SICK LITTLE TWISTED FUCKS. I'll be bringing my shitstorm to you and boy oh boy will it be a storm.

Now, go get that brainless fuck of an errand boy to get off that lazy ass of his, get to work and get this shit done.
I'm waiting

How do you title something like this?

I guess, answers are needed.

I was walking home from work, and I got a call, from the hospital in my home-town. Turns out they had been trying to get ahold of me for two days, funny that since I had no missed calls from anyone.

Wish I almost did now..

At least I would have known.

My mother, is.. dead.
Found in her bedroom. I can't get any details, when they told me what happened I was pretty...

hysterical?

defiantlynotthewordimlookingfor

I drove, all night just to get here. I'm staying in my cousins apartment without her knowing, lucky I know where  her spare key is...
I don't know what to do...

Thay can't find Luc, my little brother, he's just... gone. I don't have my hopes up, at all, I wish I could but I just...

what the fuck do i do
i'm alone now
what the fuck do i do
what the fuck do i do

I just got home from work
i wont be around for awhile i have to go home

ihavetogohome....

no..

totheDASH

Went for a walk this morning. Gorgeous outside, went and saved up my tips and lo behold I got myself a super cheap crappy (yet fully workable) MP3 player/radio thingy. So I had music and a nice walk, plus money to get more smokes,

That should be a good day right?

Why do I feel so paranoid. Why am I turning my head to look behind me, why am I steering from people walking on the same path as me, why am I keeping the lights on all night. Something bad is going to happen, and it seems like everybody else knows it, or feels it?

jesus

I just, feel like it's there, watching when my head is turned. But nothing happens.

Sick of this nothing.

busybusyBEE

Sorry for no updates lately.

Work has had a firm tight grip on me, and nicely enough when I get home at the end of the night I can lay down for three hours then wake up and get on the go again.

At least I'm getting that much, haha.

Work has been busy, today was probably the slowest which only makes the day go by slower, and because I'm a freak I have to makes sure I have NOTHING to do the next day at work, so I just sit there..
Drawing.

Some of the customers have asked to look through my sketchbook, got some nice feedback on some pictures so that's always good, and speaking of which, Nox, I got that picture started, might end up redoing them, but I have it started, and Mystery, god damn I have no idea what to draw for you haha.
Been sitting there with a blank piece of paper going "Huuur duuuurrr"

Other than all of that..

Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
It's been quiet, and really... that's scaring me. Last time this happened, well, lots of stuff ended up ruining what hopes I had for awhile, and I'd rather it not happen again.
notthaticanstopit

But the strangest part is I don't even dream, and I can normally wake up and remember bits and pieces but the few days that I have slept is just...

nothing

I don't even know what to do with myself. I find myself staring blankly at the trees behind my house most of the time..

goddammitineedsomethingtodo

All night shenanigans

Well, in my late hours of restlessness, I've been thinking much more than I normally do.
Way more.

Possibly thanks to a certain someone who stayed up talking with me, damn his charming tongue. All in all, it's probably best for me too, I mean, there seems to be alot I hid from myself, let alone all the others I've hid everything about me from. Here I am, a shell of a person, drifting from place to place with no reason why, other than the urge to keep moving, to never stay in one place.

My whole life.

But still it's all there, in the back of my mind just barely cracking through, Only the smallest bits I remember.
But I remember why I won't fall asleep.
I remember...

See I dozed off for a bit, daydreaming to myself of futures that will most likely never arrive, when finally I drifted into the darkness, the shadows wrapped around me in that cold bare embrace, and there.

It came back.

The dream...
Heh, here I thought that part was fixed. Guess things that haunt your past really never can go away, you can only push it away so far.
I need to think this out more. There's alot I'm missing but still it's going to be a fucking ride just to remember all of this I think.
Fucking FUCK

fuck

Well, I won't be dozing off anytime soon I think. I might try and type out that dream one day here eventually..
I don't know it's..
Maybe. Just maybe..

TAKINGCRAZYPILLS

cantstoptalkingtomyself

I just had a ten minute conversation with myself and the computer.
Sort of forgot what I was doing there for the last two minutes.

cantdozeofflikethat

If anyone want's to chat, you can normally catch me on my msn,   zer0harts@hotmail.com
It's not like you'd be ruining my night, really you'd probably do me some favors...

coffeesmokethendrawing