wake UP

I feel so weird.

The past few weeks feels like I was just in some kind of drug induced sleep, I wake up and my body is heavy an aches, my head is fuzzy, and I have no clue as to what happened.

I remember snippits of being awake, as I did have to work and eat, but they seem to be just quick memories and then I have these huge black out moments where when I come too I hurt like a rabid animal was trying to eat me, and I have no clue why I should feel like that.

Whats going on with me.

smoke, need a smoke..

So within my blackout daze, I have somehow acquired two lighters (green and purple), three new packs of smokes, (so obviously I was taking care of myself) and four...

milk...

crates...

dontaskidonteven✖✖

Also, my "G" key is missing.

Just gone.

And you have NO IDEA how hard it is to type without it.

I have to press down on the missing area to get anything.

I hate it.

So yes, if anyone see's a "G" from a macbook pro floating around.

Send it back my way?

++~HART

START THE BAND

I return.

And I apologize.

To who I have no clue, I think I have two followers.

Really I just thought I'd be keeping a personal journal to myself at this point.

Haha.

Anyway, for my two followers, I give you this.

Yes..

aboutmylastpostthere

It was weird, I was sitting on my bed, smoking. I thought I felt something touch me lightly but I didn't freak out.

Not that time.

I was starting a new blog about my computer acting up on me and the odd..

touchingmoment

And something flicked my ear.

THEN

I freaked.

I flailed around and looked around, I posted that because I wanted too. (really i have no clue why, i just did.)

I've been trying to connect to the internet for a while, but the damn thing has been acting like an emotional pre-teen girl.

Everything will be fine one minute, then you do something and the claws come out and your left wondering, why?

But the TV and the lights have been doing that too.

I can't say wind or rain, because it's been pretty calm the past few days..

There's been no tapping, or knocking though.

So...

I'm okay right?

Alright, I need a smoke, some coffee and and idea of something to draw.

I'm not sleeping tonight it seems.

++~HART

nonononono

ittouchedmeittouchedmeittouchedmeittouchedme
GODGODGODGOD

COULDTHEREBE A TIME

Birthdays have passed, I am no longer inebriated, and life can go on.

I hope.

Tapping, that fucking TAPPING.

I thought once I moved I wouldn't hear it, or deal with these feelings anymore.

The feeling of something watching you from the windows, behind the trees. The lights have been flickering a lot lately too. Even mother has noticed it, and she's a tad uneasy about it. But I'm sure thats because this house has been falling apart since I was a child, and coming back here and seeing that the only thing that has changed is that it has fallen apart even MORE didn't surprise me.

What surprised me was it's still up.

Enough about my slowly decaying house though.

I'm still getting these paranoid feelings. They had stopped when I was on the plane, and when I finally got here, but not a day later I start feeling like something is peering over my shoulder and that familiar shadow that has followed me since I was a child...

Does anyone believe in ghosts?

Or should I say..phantom shadows?

I do, I have too.

I can there and tell myself all I want, and BELIEVE it all I want but I still see the shadow, that long, dangling shadow peering at me from the corners. It never stopped, it will never stop it seems.

But I wish it did.

I'm tired of going insane with paranoia over stupid shadows and childhood terrors. It's getting to be annoying, unwelcome and I just want to make it stop.

I wonder how I can.

Like a ceremony? A ritual?

A book with ancient tellings of long ago, when they would banish evil shadows to the underworld where they had pulled themselves from.

That could be entertaining.

I just hope I can get some sleep tonight, my throat is raw, and my eyes are burning again.

My music is going on blast so I can't hear the tapping, if I can't hear it, and I die in my sleep at least I won't see it when it happens.

ivebeentellingmyselfthatforyears

++~HART

TASTES.GOOD

HAPPYBIRTHDAYTOME

HAPPYBIRTHDAYTOME

HAPPYBIRTHDAYTOME

Not to bad of a day I must say. I mean really we normally celebrate my birthday TODAY, on new years, but today was great. I woke up and my computer had to tell me it was my birthday because I thought it was just a THURSDAY♥

Then I get a phone call from mother while she's at work, her and a fellow co-worker screamed happy birthday so the whole cafe could hear and then said she'd pick me up a present when she got home.

Two packs of smokes, some 'smokeables' and rum.

Which I have cracked into, and it is nicely dented ♥♥♥♥

Got socks too, which is sweet. I love socks.

Don't know why..

Just do.

Got 60$ from my uncle that I haven't seen in 14 years. Which was creepy but at least I know he's thinking about me.

Still creepy.

speakingofcreepy

There's been constant knocking on the back door the past few days, three days really.

I'll go and stand next to the door and wait, the knocking will stop and I'll wait around, but it'll start up again when I'm sitting down. And then last night while I was on the phone I thought I had saw something move. I first thought it was a car on the street. But that would be impossible because the shadow was over the house below mine because we all live on hills.

✖✖✖

Don't know why.

So I have come to the realizeation that since no one really watches me on this, and I'm using it more as a personal journal.

BTW doithinkweird?

SINCE I am using this more as a personal journal I'm going to record, write whatever I can and post it up here, and send this to people in case I feel like showing it. 

And just in case you have stumbled across here on random, journey with me I guess?

++~HART

COUNTDOWN.COUNTDOWN.COUNTDOWN

There is three day's left until I celebrate a birthday.

mybirthday

I haven't really celebrated my birthday, ever.

Normally me and a few of my closest would sit around while becoming so intoxicated we could barely look at our own feet right.

Wonderful days.

Or I just never celebrated at all, because I was working.

Forgetful days.

So what is planned for me this year? Besides the obligatory family bombarding you with love and birthday wishes, and the cake that's so sugary it makes your teeth want to puke.

Nothing.

Those things will happen, yes I know, because I'm finally back home.

But all besides that I have no clue. There has been talk of taking me to the Nugget.

Ahh the Nugget. I'm sure that will be fun.

Drinking with women the age of my mother, watching as they become absolutely insane drunk and force me to dance with them to music that is very questionable.

VERY

But still, they want to celebrate my birthday, I'd just as well let them do so right? 

At least I'd get drinks. And won't much care about the events of the evening when they happen because I will be drunk.

Mind you I'm sure I'll have a random encounter with the man's son who owns the bar. Because he 'likes' me.

likelikelielike

Oh my, I wonder what will happen.

++~HART

STICKLER

My TV is acting weird.

I'm guessing from the wind we have. It's like a constant typhoon on the go down here. Should I say up? Maybe left, south east?

Disney land.

I like that one better.

God it is still creeping me out, and then of course I'm all by my self again in this old house.

I used to live here when I was small.

The same house, the same street..

The hill I fell down when I was three.

I cried so hard all because I scrapped my knee and arm.

Dad came and got me though.

The TV is now disconnected, and all last night my computer was acting out, and I swore I heard people walking around downstairs..

I need to get more sleep.

Lots more ✖✖✖

++~HART