Saturday, January 1, 2011
Birthdays have passed, I am no longer inebriated, and life can go on.
Tapping, that fucking TAPPING.
I thought once I moved I wouldn't hear it, or deal with these feelings anymore.
The feeling of something watching you from the windows, behind the trees. The lights have been flickering a lot lately too. Even mother has noticed it, and she's a tad uneasy about it. But I'm sure thats because this house has been falling apart since I was a child, and coming back here and seeing that the only thing that has changed is that it has fallen apart even MORE didn't surprise me.
What surprised me was it's still up.
Enough about my slowly decaying house though.
I'm still getting these paranoid feelings. They had stopped when I was on the plane, and when I finally got here, but not a day later I start feeling like something is peering over my shoulder and that familiar shadow that has followed me since I was a child...
Does anyone believe in ghosts?
Or should I say..phantom shadows?
I do, I have too.
I can there and tell myself all I want, and BELIEVE it all I want but I still see the shadow, that long, dangling shadow peering at me from the corners. It never stopped, it will never stop it seems.
But I wish it did.
I'm tired of going insane with paranoia over stupid shadows and childhood terrors. It's getting to be annoying, unwelcome and I just want to make it stop.
I wonder how I can.
Like a ceremony? A ritual?
A book with ancient tellings of long ago, when they would banish evil shadows to the underworld where they had pulled themselves from.
That could be entertaining.
I just hope I can get some sleep tonight, my throat is raw, and my eyes are burning again.
My music is going on blast so I can't hear the tapping, if I can't hear it, and I die in my sleep at least I won't see it when it happens.