Thursday, December 30, 2010



Not to bad of a day I must say. I mean really we normally celebrate my birthday TODAY, on new years, but today was great. I woke up and my computer had to tell me it was my birthday because I thought it was just a THURSDAY♥

Then I get a phone call from mother while she's at work, her and a fellow co-worker screamed happy birthday so the whole cafe could hear and then said she'd pick me up a present when she got home.
Two packs of smokes, some 'smokeables' and rum.
Which I have cracked into, and it is nicely dented ♥♥♥♥
Got socks too, which is sweet. I love socks.
Don't know why..
Just do.
Got 60$ from my uncle that I haven't seen in 14 years. Which was creepy but at least I know he's thinking about me.

Still creepy.
There's been constant knocking on the back door the past few days, three days really.
I'll go and stand next to the door and wait, the knocking will stop and I'll wait around, but it'll start up again when I'm sitting down. And then last night while I was on the phone I thought I had saw something move. I first thought it was a car on the street. But that would be impossible because the shadow was over the house below mine because we all live on hills.
Don't know why.

So I have come to the realizeation that since no one really watches me on this, and I'm using it more as a personal journal.
BTW doithinkweird?
SINCE I am using this more as a personal journal I'm going to record, write whatever I can and post it up here, and send this to people in case I feel like showing it. 

And just in case you have stumbled across here on random, journey with me I guess?


Tuesday, December 28, 2010


There is three day's left until I celebrate a birthday.

I haven't really celebrated my birthday, ever.
Normally me and a few of my closest would sit around while becoming so intoxicated we could barely look at our own feet right.
Wonderful days.
Or I just never celebrated at all, because I was working.
Forgetful days.

So what is planned for me this year? Besides the obligatory family bombarding you with love and birthday wishes, and the cake that's so sugary it makes your teeth want to puke.

Those things will happen, yes I know, because I'm finally back home.
But all besides that I have no clue. There has been talk of taking me to the Nugget.
Ahh the Nugget. I'm sure that will be fun.
Drinking with women the age of my mother, watching as they become absolutely insane drunk and force me to dance with them to music that is very questionable.
But still, they want to celebrate my birthday, I'd just as well let them do so right? 
At least I'd get drinks. And won't much care about the events of the evening when they happen because I will be drunk.
Mind you I'm sure I'll have a random encounter with the man's son who owns the bar. Because he 'likes' me.

Oh my, I wonder what will happen.


Monday, December 27, 2010


My TV is acting weird.
I'm guessing from the wind we have. It's like a constant typhoon on the go down here. Should I say up? Maybe left, south east?
Disney land.

I like that one better.
God it is still creeping me out, and then of course I'm all by my self again in this old house.
I used to live here when I was small.
The same house, the same street..
The hill I fell down when I was three.
I cried so hard all because I scrapped my knee and arm.
Dad came and got me though.

The TV is now disconnected, and all last night my computer was acting out, and I swore I heard people walking around downstairs..
I need to get more sleep.
Lots more ✖✖✖


Sunday, December 26, 2010

mouseandweasel GAME

I think I should go to bed soon, but I don't think I could pull myself to do it either.
My eyes burn, then those noises.
I am a paranoid case.
a BIG one

I tend to have a security measure I go through when I'm paranoid and having any off feelings.

Well, I need background noise regardless, I almost can't function in the silence if I don't have something making some kind of sound.

That's what makes me paranoid.
The nothing out there, looming over as your own regret.
I always thought if you but out enough negative energy, especailly self-loathing there could almost be a manifestation of that regret in a way.
A way that it can hurt you in some way.



it's all i hear in the silence

Maybe I should get some sleep



I have some fuel now.
Tasty, glorious fuel.

But I still can't stop drawing.
At least it's getting entertaining, for me.

I should not have lonely Sunday's anymore.



I am oddly enough creative when on exactly 7 cups of coffee and 4 hours sleep.
Too bad nothing is coming out the way I want it too...

I need to doodle my way out of the block somehow.
I am also posting on this blog a lot more than I thought I was going to do today.
Shows you how boring this Sunday is.

I welcome it actually.




I just finished my smoke, but I want another one.

That makes me a chain smoker right?
Lately I've been feeling like a chain smoker. Any stress, quiet moment or when drawing it's like I need one.

Yeah, that makes me a chain smoker.

But maybe it's just getting used to a new life.
Or a new chapter? But then again I've been disowning what I was and wanted to be the new person I have been calling myself lately.
Makes it even weirder to be with family again while going through this. Four years, all on my own.
And I got used to it. Four years. That doesn't seem like a long time right? A short period of time to be away from family, most kids like me stay away for years before finally seeing family again. But I'm not a kid anymore, and now I'm back with mother.
She missed me.
It was nice to know, and see it.
Home is weird. Everyone knows you, and when you've been gone for so long everyone piles up to say hi, welcome you and shake your hand like your a celebrity.
It made me think it's like they think you've survived, survived out there when they didn't have the will or strength to do it themselves.

But you don't survive out there.
You waste away in a box, and then you move around outside your box, but never far from your box, and then back in your box.
I hate that box. But really I moved from box to another box.
A box that makes me uneasy, yet settled at the same time. A true paradox.

Maybe the universe will implode after I post this, because I brought that paradox to life.
Shit, what have I started.
Oh well, I'll just get another coffee and eat more of my Holidaymas chocolate.
Then blow up the world. Coffee comes first though.