Sunday, August 21, 2011

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Really hate this.

Man I hate alot of things lately...
I hate that even more. I was never like that before, I was a pretty happy person last time I checked. Had lots of friends, a boyfriend, a life.
Whats my life now? Work and sitting in my room all hours of the night.

I went to a party last night. I got invited to one by some people I had gotten to know at work. What do I do? Go to the party and only talk to the people who came outside for smokes. I just sort of sat there alone, listening to shitty techno pop music and thinking "I only had a smoke 5 minutes ago, fuck it I need another."
It's like I don't even want to be around people anymore, what the fuck is wrong with me?

I tried calling some of my old friends, finally got ahold of Pickles's mom, she said he just sort of up and moved  last week. No calls, no emails, nothing. Him and Steph (his girlfriend) just grabbed a few bags of stuff and poof. Rode into the sunset never to return.

Which is weird, as nonchalant and 'un-caring' as he is, Pickles is a mama's boy, he's all she has left so I can't see him just up and leaving her. But he left a message on her fridge, she was only taking a walk down to the store when it happened. She guesses it was Steph, who had been bugging him to move out of the apartment in his moms basement for a good year now.

Pickles, if you read this at all, please call me, or at least call your mother, okay?

So yeah, nothing much else. Couldn't get a hold of anyone and I just mostly fucked around today. I have work tomorrow so I'm going to see if I can't actually get some fucking sleep tonight, and if not I have some new drawings I should work on I guess..

OH, I had a message on my phone when I got back from the party last night, from that 000 000 0000 number again. I asked someone at work and they said it was most likely a blocked telemarketer number, but wouldn't it just come up as 'blocked number' or 'unknown number' like it did for every other call made by a blocked number? And why would they leave a message? Well, nothing was on the message just some white noise and static so...

I don't even know anymore, everything is all turned upside down, and I'm just trying to get used to it.


  1. Hate is just another little emotion and all emotions are pretty. :)

    Hate hate hate is just a means to an end. I like the way ya talk, girlie. Ya say all this stuff in your head. I wonder if it comes out that pretty mouth any different.

  2. Hate is an emotion that lets me know I still want to go around and strangle everyone I walk next to on the street. Which is a nice stress reliever thank to fuck.

    And I have no other way to get everything out of my head but to say all of it, and because of that I say it the way I think it too haha. Glad you like that about me hun, that makes a total of 2 people that do :D

  3. Why don't ya do it, Harts? Why don't ya strangle every last on of em? I see talk but where is the action!

    Eheheh. My pretty city full of pretty people that are drowning in their pretty emotions that you can come kill in. Cops have lost so much hope. They barely try anymore after the few displays I left em. ;)
    You can come here with me and kill. Maybe I'll keep ya too. Maybe. Or maybe you'll have to run. Then I'll get to chase ya, girlie.

  4. I'm full of talk, everyone is. It's not like many people truly do what they say. Just makes it easier to sit in the crowd I guess.

    I would like to strangle them, every last one so I could laugh and scream my frustrations onto them, but then again I will always swallow my feelings and slip back. Pretty weak willed nowadays, had that beat out of me a long time ago, but I'd like it back.

    I could just ramble to you for hours, I should stop that. Also, I run pretty fast, so try and keep up alright? Wouldn't want to loose you too fast or I might get lost ;)

  5. Eheheh! Girlie I don't look like a skeleton cause I'm slow and fat. ;)
    I've got speed and plenty of it. I can throw ya up against a wall here and there. Ho ho ho to undertones! Or~ I could throw a man twice my size. Why bother when I got Graves though? I'll chase ya and keep up plenty, wouldn't want to lose that view. EHEHEH!

    Oh do ramble, Harts! If I wanted ya to stop I would of come there and cut off em pretty hands. :)

  6. Well when you say it that way how can I stop? Someone is willing to listen to the non-stop rambles of a sleep deprived loony, so now I'm flattered :)

    Well you better run fast, didn't stay in track all those years of high school just to be slow. And hun, a wall really? That might excite me hehe.

  7. Girlie we are going to have some real fun~

  8. You bet we are. Life no fun if it isn't at least a bit rough :)

  9. In all honesty, it sounds like your friend did a Runner. Since Slenderman tends to target not just one person, but also anyone they associate with, chances are your friend Pickles and/or his girlfriend were having non-domestic issues.

    As for the socializing, I've never been a people person AT ALL, but that kind of comes with being a high level empath. Being in crowds is uncomfortable as a sunburn, and harder to apply a soothing ointment. Besides that, it's hard to socialize with people who'd tell you were crazy if you really opened up to them.

  10. Well.. all I can really hope for is for some kind of contact from him. Really if he just calls me and comes to see me I'd try to help, but he's the type that won't. I just hope he calls..

    And I see where your coming from, I've had friends like that, where it was almost impossible to get them to open up at all. I'm pretty non-judging, I've gone through enough to know judging someone based on nothing is stupid. I personally am not used to this. Silence kills me, and I miss the sound of talking...

    Heh, well, just something to get used to right? I'm probably better off in the apartment alone anyway.

  11. Well, you're not technically alone so long as you have people willing to comment on your blog. ;) And the silence can be dispelled by turning on the tv or music.

  12. Aw, thanks :D I'm glad they are, it's helping more than I think it is haha. And I would.. but I have no cable, and my MP3 player has since LONG been dead to the world. If I had speakers for this computer that worked right I'd be on youtube :/

  13. :( I was going to see about getting you a cheap-o MP3 player from mycokerewards, but they doubled the point requirement since the last time I got one. Jerks. I only have half as many as I would need. As randomly as I collect points, it might not be until next year that I have enough points, and by then, they might up the requirement again. :\ Ah well, sorry about your lack of distractions.

  14. Aw you'd go that far to give me peace of mind :0
    Your so sweet. Damn you, I must draw you pictures too, for it's the only real talent I have to show for gratitude, haha. Mind you, I may not get to show you it for awhile too...


    Well, if ever you need anything, just drop me a line, can't let someone so nice go unthanked :)

  15. Awww, well, it would have been no trouble if I'd had the points. It's not like they have a lot worth spending them on, so the points mostly sit there, burning a hole in my cyber-pocket.

    Now I'm curious what kind of picture you'd draw. :)

  16. No clue, whatever would pop out at the moment I guess. I had been getting back into realism again, but I'm trying to do more off the head portraits and my own style with it instead of copying a picture.

    Damn those cyber-pocket so full of points, it drives me mad! MAD I TELL YOU!